Gandhari Reminisces

I waited for my son, a tremor of uncertainty stirring something deep beneath the facade of calmness. I knew today was result day, the result of my years of unrelenting endurance; enduring the darkness that covered my world, a darkness I had taken on willingly before my marriage to the blind Prince, now King of Hastinapur, Dhritarashtra. 

The tremor I felt in my heart was not only rooted in anxiety of the result but also the hidden but unforgotten concern of my choice. Did I do the right thing by choosing blindness? Was my choice a selfish or selfless one? Yes, I told the world the reason to blindfold myself before my marriage was to be an equal to my husband. To not be able to see what he can’t. To live in the same darkness he lived. Isn’t that equality? 

And yet, I knew that at that time, there was a streak of stubborn anger that factored into my choice. How could they choose a blind man for me? How could my father agree to this? How could the revered Kuru elder, Bhishma, the powerful one, the one who took the terrible oath of celibacy, so that his father could marry Satyavati, think that I would be alright to marry a blind prince, one who may never be a king? How could he not seek my permission before assuming I would be super-thrilled to be part of the who-can-dare-confront Kuru clan? 

Of course, I was proud to be chosen as the Kuru prince’s wife. But why was it not clarified that they were talking about the blind elder one, not the younger one who was the king? Was my father’s kingdom not so important that I was given the lesser role? That resentment rankled in my heart and soul for some time, and it was definitely a big factor in my choice to blindfold myself. 

It took me just a day of talking to my husband to realise I was lucky, very lucky indeed, to become his wife. He was kind, gentle, and unlike any warrior I met. Despite his blindness, he was a trained swordsman, archer, and could handle many weapons with ease. And his physique was immensely strong. I could feel his rippling muscles as we hugged for the first time. That first hug felt warm. I felt comforted, at ease. The hug showed me that he would protect me at all costs, and that his blindness will be the only thing I will lack in a husband. That day I fell in love, and there was no looking back. That streak of anger disappeared.

Today, as I waited with anxiety and concern for my son, Suyodhana, to come, that niggle of resentment I had returned in the form of self-doubt. If I hadn’t been so angry then, would I have taken the oath to blindfold myself? Would I have been a better wife, a better mother, with eyes open rather than closed? 

Gandhari Hopes to Offer Protection

I know I couldn’t change the past. Yet, the niggling doubt that seemed to grow into a monster, especially since the day war was declared between my sons and their cousins, threatened to tear me apart. When Krishna came with a final message of peace, my heart soared with hope. I was sure he would be able to convince everyone and stop the war. 

But it was not to be. When Krishna asked for merely five villages for the Pandavas, my son said, “Forget five villages. I will not give them land that would cover the tips of five needles!” 

When I heard that, my heart turned cold. I knew his end was near. I failed as a mother. I never taught him compassion. That’s the first time I felt the onus of my choice. If I hadn’t had the blindfold, would I have seen things in the right light and helped my son deal with the world more maturely? My heart lurched in fear at this thought. 

But as a mother, I had to protect him to the best of my abilities. That’s why I sent for him today, to come alone. Not to tell anyone about this meeting, not even his brothers.

I think I have failed as a mother in some ways. But in terms of protection, I will not fail him.

Shortly, Suyodhana entered my chamber, and I felt his hand on my feet as he sought my blessings. 

“Happiness, peace, and wealth your way, my dear son,” I blessed him and hugged him, tearing up involuntarily. 

“Mother, if you have called me to advise me, then let us not waste our time. My decision is firm. War it is.”

“No, Suyodhana. I have given up trying to make you see reason. Today, only my maternal instincts are in the fore, nothing else. No advice, no discussions on whether war is good or not! I have something to offer you.”

I heard the quivering in his voice, “You have been the best mother I could have. I don’t need anything more from you except your blessings for victory.”

Gandhari’s Powerful Sight Provides Invincibility – Except for the Thighs

“I want to give you unconditional protection, my son. No more talk. Go to the changing room, remove all your clothes and come to me like you were when you were born. Not a shred of clothing on you. Let me know when you are standing right in front of me in that naked form.”

Baffled, yet trusting my instincts, he went into the changing room and returned in a few minutes.

“Amma, I’m ready and standing in front of you.”

Slowly, I removed my blindfold. Even more slowly, I opened my eyes. I scanned my son’s body through a thick streak of light emanating from my eyes. I was startled to see his thigh area covered with a cloth, but I could do nothing about it.

When the scan was done, I closed my eyes and immediately put on my blindfold. The power of spiritual devotion and years of unrelenting sacrifice for a marriage of equality had accumulated in my eyes. When I opened my eyes, that power came forth to give my son’s unconditional invincibility. No weapon would harm him now that every inch of his body was blessed by my rare and blessed sight. 

Except his thighs. Now I asked him angrily.

“Why did you cover your thighs, my son? I told you to stand in front of me, entirely naked.”

He looked sheepish and replied, “I am sorry, Mother. I realise too late that I have been taken for a ride by Krishna. I should have trusted you more. I should have known you have the best interest in your heart. I didn’t realise the power of your boon until now.”

“Krishna? How is he involved?”

“Yes. He visited my house today and asked me if I was coming to see you. When I replied in the affirmative, he told me that you are likely to behave weirdly and will ask to come naked in front of you. He further added that even though you are my mother, there is shame in showing my entire body to you, now that I am an adult.”

Taking a pause to gather his thoughts, my son continued, “He told me to cover my private parts, at least. Even then, I was filled with shame and embarrassment that you would ask something like this of me. His words filled me with even more shame. I didn’t understand the reason for your request until I felt the power of your vision everywhere except my thighs.”

“I am truly sorry, Mother, for falling for his tactics.”

My heart filled with dread. I could feel the doom overlooking the lives of my hundred sons, nay, the entire Kaurava clan. My rare protection would be useless, I knew it. And yet, like all hopeful mothers, I prayed for my children’s good. 

And I knew the anger for Krishna was simmering in my heart, waiting to be vented out.

Author’s Note:

Gandhari has multiple powerful anecdotes in the Mahabharata. Somehow, this episode of her intense desire to protect her son is very close to my heart.

This post is a part of BlogchatterA2Z Challenge 2026

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